After 6 different therapists in 12 years being treated for all of the above, including antidepressant and anxiety medications I have finally found one who has pinpointed lifelong extreme low self esteem as the root problem. Suddenly patterns of behavior became clear. Seeming unrelated difficulties became linked together. For the first time my life began to make sense.

As to the root cause my therapist has an interesting explanation. He says that some babies are born with a heightened sensitivity to sensory stimulation and this can make them anxious. These are the babies who cry and cry and seemingly can never be comforted. This is turn amplifies the problem because more often than not, an exhausted caregiver will allow the baby to cry. As a matter of fact letting a baby “cry himself to sleep” was considered the correct way to handle babies who cry a lot up until just recently. The horror such a child must experience is almost beyond comprehension. Already stressed and anxious by just being alive in the world, he or she then learns that when it all becomes too much and they cry out for comfort, often nobody comes.

This makes the child feel unwanted, kills trust in others and sets them up for a lifelong belief that they are simply not good enough to be comforted, to be loved. The love that is shown is suspect and often rejected because to the child it has proven to be inconsistent. So love is never experienced later in life because it is equated with fear and hurt.

Thus the stage is set for a child who believes what is said every time it is criticized. What rolls of the back of most children is taken as an emotional stab to the heart. Normal child’s play with all the name calling and rejections further destroy what little self esteem the child has. And elementary school finishes the job with constant criticism of a child who doesn’t do well because they are petrified to admit they don’t understand something. The fall further and further behind finally becoming known as “a slow learner” who “acts out” in class. The child feels that he is an outsider and begins to identify with this way of thinking causing him to become radical and antisocial. As a teenager this becomes their core identity shutting off educational and social opportunities seen as “uncool” This creates a lifelong hatred of authority which makes working at a job almost impossible later in life. As an adult criticism of any kind quickly causes almost uncontrollable rage and stress making interpersonal relationships from the workplace to the bedroom a nightmare to be avoided at all costs.

The legacy of low self esteem is a life of emotional misery. It is a bit better now for children than it was in the past. Children are respected more and a struggling child is often identified quickly and help, both psychological and emotional is available where none existed before, especially in the public schools.

We can only hope that early intervention might help the low self esteem child and a better understanding of LSE’s root causes might help prevent this horrid psychological illness.

Thank you for a well researched and thoughtful article.

Mystic Madness´s last blog post..So You Criticized Someone Today

Welcome to OBV! Thanks for leaving a comment — I’m so glad you stumbled on this article, which is one of my favorites.

You are right that the layers are intertwined and overlapped, each affecting others — I didn’t mean to oversimplify the picture. That said, it helps to figure out how to address our wounds when we divide them into these areas. As a method that address some types of problem may not work for other areas.

Thanks for subscribing! I look forward to getting to know you.

ari

I’ll be sure to continue checking out your site! I subscribed to your feeds so I won’t miss any good bits
Thank you.