Elsewhere, I defined that low self-esteem is the root of all problems. In it, I defined 3 levels of self-esteem — your right to exist, your trust in your abilities, and your trust in the world. Of which, the first is the very foundation of our being: the belief that our existence is justified and wanted.
When this foundation is compromised, its effect is felt throughout your systems, from physical to psychological to relational. Problems such as chronic pain and inability to form fulfilling relationships all boil down to you being unsure about your right to exist.
It’s futile to try to mend this by addressing those surface problems: you are treating the symptom, not the cause. To cure all your problems once and for all, you need to heal from the bottom up.
So, how can you affirm your right to exist?
With unconditional love.
Unconditional love says that you are a good existence. You are wanted. We are glad you were born, and that you exist. It doesn’t matter what you say or do — or what you don’t say or do. Your welcome never wears out. It doesn’t mean that everything you do or don’t do are justifiable. It’s just that no matter how grave your mistakes, errors, crimes and lack of accomplishments are, it doesn’t change the fact that you are a good existence.
It’s the affirmation of all affirmations.
But it’s hard to really let this concept sink in, to the very bottom of your being. It’s not enough to just merely understand it logically. You need to feel it with your entire self.
How do we do that?
By going back to the beginning of your life. And reliving your infancy — but this time, you play the parent and the child. You love yourself, the way you’ve always wanted to be loved.
Here are 5 practical ways anyone can use to rebuild your very foundation:
- Visualization. Visualize taking care of baby you.
- Drawing. Express the unconditional love visually.
- Playing. Live out the unconditional love. You have no responsibilities, nothing to take care of — simply play, like a child.
- Role-playing. Get a doll and take care of it, as if it’s baby you. Give it your name. Shower it with your love.
- Caring a child. I obviously am not advocating that you become a parent just to heal your personal wounds — but if you happen to be one, recognize it as the most powerful opportunity to raise yourself, along with your child.
In my personal experience, #5 has produced the most powerful healing. Being a father awakened in me the capacity for unconditional love, and I’ve experienced tremendous healing and growth in my process of raising my children.
Are you struggling with a personal problem? Most of us do — you are not alone. Employ any or all of the above, to re-experience what it’s like to be a peaceful baby in your parent’s arms, being rocked. You don’t have to do anything — just breathe, and rest. Just be.
Do you feel a powerful sense of relief?
Welcome to your healing.