Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Yes, progress seems unnoticeable when you’re in the midst — that’s one of the reasons why it is so hard to hold on to hope when you’re depressed. You can’t help but see the glass as mostly empty, even when the full portion is getting bigger!

The depressed versions of ourselves don’t remember what it’s like to be normal, so all the more reason for the rest of us to shout loudly, reminding them of how they operate when they’re not depressed.

I’ll check out that site. Thanks for the pointer!

ari

I like this man’s site on depression:
http://walkingtheblackdog.com

Lori

SpaceAgeSage — Lori´s last blog post..Yes, I survived the week-long media fast — and learned lots!

Thanks for dropping by, and for your affirmation!

ari

Wow, your story sounds very familiar, too. It sounds like you have a good understanding of what went on, though. I’m glad to hear you had family and friends around in your time of needs! There is nothing wrong with seeking outside help. I tend to think that we expect too much from our spouses — we want them to be this powerful, super-being, always looking good, acting the way we want, and have the bottomless capacity for selfless love. I realized that it was simply unfair.

Thanks so much for adding your insights to this post! As this kind of story is not rare, I’m sure many people will find comfort and understanding from your contribution.

ari

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You have said it very well. (I just wrote a long comment here and pressed the back button by mistake!)

Thanks to you and Stacey for sharing this.

I do not think I was ever too depressed after my marriage but I had my episodes. My husband surely knew how bad it could be from earlier experiences and he was constantly scared for me. He ALWAYS wanted to help but depression can be so powerfully negative that he would often retreat into himself out of a strange fear…

My husband and I quickly learned 2 things:
1. Treat our marriage like a little baby that needs a lot of gentle caring and
2. We need to take care of ourselves - my husband and I.
When I had my episodes, my husband responded mostly out of fear that he would not be able to help me appropriately ….but then he would try his hardest because he wanted to make sure I was taken care of. In the end, he was exhausted and miserable and our marriage would suffer.

Very soon, we started to use a coupld of really close family members and friends to help us in such times. As soon as my husband felt he was not able to help me, he would call one of them and “hand me over”. This really really helped him feel like he prevented me from getting any worse AND gave him some breathing space. It was hard for me to let someone else support me but I learned that it was the best thing for my husband, me and our marriage.

You have done a great job of explaining things here Ari. But I just wanted to share my experiences.

Thanks again, Stacey. I wish you only the very best!

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That’s an interesting observation. It does appear that so far all the people suffering from post-wedding depression I know of are women. Obviously, it doesn’t mean that women are the only people who suffer from depression, but I wonder if there is a cultural conditioning that we aren’t aware of that make women “relax” (as in not holding themselves up) after getting married, which leads to depression?

As you know, depression doesn’t simply spring up when it manifests itself. It’s built up through long periods of emotional pain — and a lot of us hide it, bury it, very well. It only surfaces when we let down our guards. So perhaps women see marriage as a situation safe enough to let their hair down, in a manner of speaking.

I am curious as to what other women have to say about this. I’m sure they’ll be by shortly.
ari

Thanks for sharing your personal stories. Glad to hear your husband and you got help you needed. So many people struggle with depression. There can’t be never enough stories about healing and triumph.

ari

If at all somebody was already going through depression, marriage can be a definite healer as long as both husband and wife has listening and feeling-for-each-other built into them.

I would like to hear from other readers on what they feel about my theory

Cheers,
Ajith

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