Yes, like I was saying to Bamboo, forgiveness, at least emotional kind, doesn’t come simply by you saying “I forgive” (though I’m sure that contributes in the healing process). You get to a place where you can release all that anger and resentment — you’re no longer bound, no longer burdened — and then you’re totally free and healed. Then you can truly forgive.

But not something we can force ourselves to get there. It’s possible to get there fast but that simply means a lot of processing. There’s a process, and everyone needs to go through it. Not going through it is not a good option — you know what that means. An emotional scar that’s stuck inside, festering. It causes LOTS of problems.

Forgiveness is a destination for everyone who’s been hurt.

ari

Thanks for explaining that. What you’re saying makes total sense, and that’s the kind of forgiveness I was talking about.

ari

I can see how weaving is a form of meditation. And not only that, but it also served as the common ground between the victim and the aggressor. Good insights, Maya!

ari

See Scott’s response below. I think there are many things that are meant by the word “forgiveness” but the kind I’m talking about here is what Scott’s talking about. And with this particular definition, yes, I do believe that forgiveness is the final destination in the healing process. It’s not so much that you have to forgive to achieve the peace of mind. It’s the other way around — when you’re through processing and come to peace, you no longer need to be angry about someone’s deed in the past. You’re free of that emotional burden.

It’s obviously not the same thing as holding someone accountable for their actions.

ari

Herein in your sentences lies the key I believe: “But she’s done it. It’s possible. Healing is possible.” The problem is that we either consciously or unconsciously tell ourselves that we could never forgive them for what they did to us (whoever it may be). As long as we have told ourselves that then we NEVER will. And just the opposite…. If we tell ourselves it is possible… well…. we will - eventually anyway.

What helps me a lot with forgiveness is remembering just how much I need forgiveness - that and putting myself in the other person’s shoes. These two things help me tremendously.

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Great post and point. I am a firm believer (check my latest post) that solutions to mist situations come by moving away from the situation and secretly teasing our hearts, bodies and minds. The weaving is a form of meditation, I think. Over days, months and years, the weaving led the lady towards emotional healing by giving her heart and mind a rest and involving her body in a meaningful activity.

Such a profound message here!

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I encounter this very often, and even though it’s repeated on a regular basis - I still do not find it wise.

Firstly, should you forgive someone who shows no remorse for their actions? Someone who commits something morally repugnant and is happy they did what they did? Is it truly a positive to forgive such a person under such circumstances?

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. It is virtuous. No doubt about it…

But the idea that always giving forgiveness, no matter what the circumstance, is somehow enlightened; this is something I simply do not agree with. This notion seems to get repeated often, and I continue to disagree with it.

Just like anything else, there is a time to forgive - and there are times one shouldn’t in my opinion. To make the blanket statement that it is always enlightened to forgive, I simply find that lacking credibility.

Lastly, I also find it untrue that it is necessary to forgive in order to attain peace of mind. Forgiveness is saying, “I don’t hold it against you anymore.” Is it not? Unless I’m given a working definition of the word forgiveness, it’s hard for me to properly examine the issue.

But I certainly don’t believe it is necessary to forgive in order to have peace of mind. To hold such a notion is to put the mind in a box that is completely self manufactured.

That’s just my humble opinion.

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