Sorry about not responding sooner.

You know, we all do this. We all hate seeing in others what we hate in ourselves. BUT, that’s also a blessing in disguise — once you stop hating yourself, then you stop hating others, too. It doesn’t bother you as much.

For example, my current theme is preventable mistakes. I have lately become very, very aware of how many preventable mistakes I make. If I was more careful or thought ahead enough, 80% of events that inconvenience my life wouldn’t happen. And I just couldn’t forgive myself for that.

But instead of trying to fix it, I am working on first accepting things as it is. Yes, I don’t run my life as efficiently or effectively as I could. And that’s OK. I’m still a good person. After all, the majority of these mistakes are small, insignificant stuff — wasting a few dollars there, taking some time there. They won’t matter in a long run.

We are all fallible, but we also have lots of good — and that’s where we should dwell, and not on our shortcomings.

Best wishes! ari

Slowness
Distractability
Character Judgments and teasing
Unsolicited advice
Criticism

And yes, I am a slow, distractable, judgmental, advice-giving, criticizer!! I don’t tease at all, though. Not even light-heartedly. Some have said that they miss that about me.

A seemingly insignificant but major event comes to mind. Due to my slowness and distractability, I am constantly leaving my 3 very young children’s playthings scattered throughout the house for my husband to trip on. A ride-on toy, in particular, has become the center of several arguments. He recently leveled, “If this toy is left out again, I will get rid of it.” I considered this judgmental, critical, and unwanted guidance on how to behave in my own home.

My over-reactive angry response was to shout, “Just throw it away now, why don’t you!” I proceeded to criticize his style of parenting, judge him as an inconsiderate father for ditching the kid’s toys, and give him some unsolicited advice, “Solve the problem by watching where you walk!”

Sigh. Guess I have some work to do.

I don’t know about you, but for me it’s easy to lose it with our children, b/c subconsciously we know that their love and acceptance is unconditional and that we are “safe” to lose it. But that’s not fair to them, is it?

ari

We all have those “things” that set off our buttons. It is only human. Stepping back and seeing the situation for what it is and now what it was is so important.

I have my moments where it doesn’t take that much to set me off. Usually it is outside pressures that have built up and I finally get to a breaking point. My children are usually the one that helps pull that final trigger. When this happens, I usually remove myself from the situation and then come back again and start over. Giving myself a “cooling” period and “space” are the two things that help me through this.

As we both know, sensitive children are so unique. Patience and understanding goes a long way.

I commend you Ari for being the person that you are. A true sensitive father.

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Thanks! Family is often a situation ripe with lots of “button pushing” as Lori above called it. It’s really unfortunate — there are a lot of expectations and insecurities involved in most families.

The place where there is most love, is also a place where a lot of hurt can happen. We have to point that potential toward the good stuff.

ari

Thanks! That sounds like a good book — I’ll have to look that up.

ari

Well, I wish if I had called up the wisdom right when it happened — I didn’t catch myself for a while. But this post was about more than just parenting, as I was trying to uncover all my “hot button” issues — things that really tick me off, and the real reason why. I’d be happier person if I never get ticked off, you know?

ari

The brain is a brilliant and mysterious organ. It’s post like these that help me get a little better understanding on how to improve my emotional intelligence.

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