I’m sorry to hear that you’re not finding yourself in a good situation. It sounds to me like a classic case of “I know what to do, but I’m afraid to do it.”

ari

We have had a very rocky relationship. We even seperated for 2 years and then one day he was back. I am honestly not sure how it all happened. Since then I have been a wreck. 1/12 years now. I think of how devistated he would be. I think of how horrible of a person I would be. But yet there is this screaming inside of me saying to follow this feeling of the unknown.

I left for a drive, a long drive. My husband knew I’d be gone awhile. I stopped driving after 1,200 miles. I felt like I met myself. Spent 3 days wondering around this strange city, never felt scared, alone or trapped. Drove 1,200 miles back home and here I am again. Listening to the screaming all over again.

I want to go back there where I am. Does it make sense to drive so far away to reach myself?

Sometimes I think I’m Crazy!

Agreed — I have intuition about big and small things. It takes courage to follow a direction that doesn’t make sense logically, but like you said, it often reveals its reasons later.

ari

~ Kristi

Kikolani | Blogging, Poetry, Photography´s last blog post..The Return of Sleep Paralysis

Thanks again for entrusting me with your story.

You know, every relationship has an ideal distance or format. I’m sure you agree that not all friendships are meant to end up as a marriage. Sounds like with your ex-fiance here, you had a great relationship/friendship. But simply not the one that was meant to be your marriage.

You know, we have such limited view of what is “perfect.” Sometimes we don’t recognize perfection until it falls on your lap, and it fits in a way you never thought possible.

You do sound like a person who relies heavily on logic and rationalization as justifications for your actions. I have been that way, too, for a long time — some cultures/families emphasize it quite heavily.

But you know “not feeling it” is quite a legitimate reason for decisions. In fact, sometimes it’s a much better reason than some phony (I’m not saying yours is) reasons you force to explain your actions. My wife, for example, accepts me much better when I simply say “that’s how I feel about it” and not try to explain when the explanations are really not the real reasons behind the decisions.

If you had listened to your intuition early on and had not let the expectations and relationship build up to the extent it did, you may have been able to turn the dating relationship into a satisfying close friendship. I myself have many close friends of opposite sex other than my wife. But in your case, you simply couldn’t have — you needed this experience to open your eyes to something you couldn’t see before. While I feel your pain, I encourage you to accept your lessons and move on. Now you know something very important about what you’re looking for in a marriage, that you didn’t know before. You’re one big step closer to finding that person!

Best wishes to you.

ari

It’s good to have you back! Well, you know that putting two good people will not make them a couple — relationship is one place where intuition has to lead the way, as rationality really can’t.

That said, writing down a list/description of your ideal partner does help you visualize and assess your candidates — not to ignore intuition but to confirm what your intuition is probably already telling you. Or if someone surprises you by fitting you logic-based qualifications but not be accepted by your intuition, that means there are qualities that you didn’t realize were important to you.

Best wishes on your search! I know it’s tricky.

ari

Thanks for the comment! Sorry to hear your marriage ended in divorce. I, too, have made many decisions where I talked myself into it knowing that I’m really not at peace with it. My big error ended up in us abandoning a house we were building mid-project, and selling the whole property. Cost us tens of thousands of dollars. But that’s a tale for another day.

ari