Our Best Version

Mentoring/coaching doesn’t just happen when you pay someone who’s more experienced than you.  It can also happen among your very peers — and such a partnership can have bond and strength that few other relationships can.  Let me tell you about my peer-mentoring partner, and invite you to join me in forming a new peer-mentoring group for bloggers.

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One of my close friends is my friend Lorie Marsh, who is an independent film producer.

She and I met in Austin, Texas, in 2000, when I was getting into making music for indie films.  She was shooting her first short, and we hit it off really well.

A while after the film was finished, I proposed to her that we start a peer-mentoring partnership, by getting together on a regular basis and taking turns mentoring each other.  I remember hesitating before making such an initiative, but in the end, I’m really glad I took the risk — it started one of the most enduring and productive friendships in my life.  I have many fond memories of talking to Lorie, and our sessions produced many a-ha moments, inspirations and motivations.

She and I have been together in our many ups and downs of our artistic careers.  I remember one time where we role-played a therapy session in which a teenage version of me came out and talked about why I thought I was no good as a guitar player.  It was a revelatory session that eventually led to my raising that inner child and gaining a more solid confidence in myself as a musician.

To this day, this practice continues, and she and I are entering new phases in our careers in the adapted hometown of St. Paul, MN, where both of us with our respective families moved together, semi-intentionally. Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome, new visitor! Thanks for visiting my site. My name is Ari Koinuma, and this is my blog about becoming who you are meant to be.

Be sure to check out the home page, which will give you an overview of this site and points out some of the major themes. If you enjoy what you see, please drop me a comment, or subscribe, so we can keep in touch. I look forward to getting to know you!

This is a life story of my mother.  Her life is an example of how to find a need in the world only you can fulfill.  It’s a glimpse of what it’s like to reach complete fulfillment - self actualization.

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Introduction: My Mother’s Calling

My mother is a missionary. Well, that’s how I describe her to my English-speaking friends, as that is the closest word I can use to describe what she does. She is an ordained Christian minister acting mainly as a volunteer community organizer in a poor northeastern region of Brazil.

Why is she doing that, when she’s getting up in ages, has no need to work, and has lost her husband?

It’s because it’s her calling.

Despite her challenges, whenever I talk to her I feel an undeniable sense of fulfillment she feels. It’s not an overt, ecstatic eruption of joy, but more like a relief of doing what he/she is meant to do. It’s hard to describe if you’ve never experienced it, but there is a sensation of release that comes from doing no pretending, no forcing, only doing what’s essential to you.

She pursuing her calling, and she feels fulfilled. She has reached self actualization. Read the rest of this entry »

Most of us struggle with bad habits. In this article, I’m going to discuss 7 strategic areas of consideration that’ll lead to a successful and pain-free habit change.

Have you made a mistake of trying to break a bad habit alone, relying solely on your will power and motivation?

I have.

And more often than not, I did fail, and it really damaged my self-esteem.

Recently, I was reading my kids The Berenstain Bears and the Bad Habit. In it, Mama Bear explains that a habit is like a groove she made on her path to garden with her wheelbarrow. She has taken the same path over and over again, that the groove has gotten deep. Since it’s exactly in a place where the single wheel of the wheelbarrow travels, it’s hard not to go into the groove, making it even deeper each time. It’s gotten deep enough that once in, she can’t get the wheel out in the middle of the path by herself.

Breaking a deeply ingrained bad habit is like trying to climb a solid wall that’s higher than you. Can you lift yourself up with just your will power? Read the rest of this entry »

Help!

I’m doing a research for my business plan. And I need to make a projection (a very educated guess ;-)) of what I can realistically achieve if I blogged full-time for a year.

Let’s just say that I’m going to do most of things “right” (I plan to work with blog consultants/coaches to make sure I do, if I do get going on this) and that I have chosen niches that aren’t going to tap out only after a year of blogging.

I need to look at this from two sets of numbers:

1. Traffic — monthly visits/visitors/page-views, and
2. Advertising income. This is only one of my revenue streams, but I do need to know.

For example, Steve Pavlina was pulling in about 400k visitors per month and $1400 in Adsense revenue on his 13th month of full-time blogging, according to his post.  I am guessing that is an exceptional growth, one that I can’t expect to match in the current climate.  But can I expect to be half as good? A quarter? Are there any other bloggers who matched Steve’s growth in one year, or exceeded it?   What is a realistic estimate of what I can achieve if I blogged full time for a year?

Any guess? And who should I go ask? Tina Su? Leo Babauta? They may be too big to be bothered by someone like me — who else is in a position to give me an educated guess? I did send an e-mail to Mr. Remarkablogger.

This essay expands upon my previous entry on fear of success.

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I once had a co-worker who hated her job. Her job stress was so much, that it was hurting her body. She wore those wrist supports to nurse her injury.

Her husband made enough money, so she didn’t need to work. She had dreams of becoming a candle-maker. She told me in great details about how she can make candles that have much stronger and nicer scents than commercially sold ones.

“Why are you still here?” I asked.

“Oh no, I won’t be here for long. I’m going to quit soon.”

She said that for months, and she was still there when I left.

Fear of Success -> Fear of Hope -> Fear of Failure

Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t want to have my hopes up?”

This is a classic statement of fear of success. Read the rest of this entry »

We all want success, but actually many of us fear it as well. Why do we do that, and how can we break it down? Here’s one universal approach that will help you deal with a major portion of your fear of success.

One of my current challenges is to stop staying up too late.

I know, it’s really not a huge problem — but nevertheless, it is on my list of habits to change. It’s unhealthy and potentially dangerous, as I can get sleepy when I’m driving.

The thing is, though, I’d have a few days of going to bed on time, and feeling rested. But after 3-4 days, my body starts craving the tiredness from sleep deprivation.

Can you believe it? I actually crave it!

So much so that I just feel too much energy at my bed time. And when I have the energy, I go “I’m not tired yet — I can go have some fun, or get something useful done.”

What I Am Used to

We’re all creatures of habits, and we all feel uncomfortable with unknowns.

These two qualities can play against our healing and growth. Read the rest of this entry »

In this essay I’m going to share a bit of my struggles with my so-called “gifts.”  A lot of us yearn to pursue our passion, yet it comes at a bit of price, it turns out.  What is it, and are you willing to pay it?

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I once had a co-worker who told me that she loves to write.

Naturally, I told her that I’d love to read what she wrote.

But her reply was like this: “I don’t let anyone read it. It’s too important to me.”

The Burden of Gifts

Often, when I share that I am a musician and that I play the guitar, people say things like this: Oh, I have no musical talent. I don’t have any talents. Read the rest of this entry »

Recently, I’ve encountered multiple attempts to form communities on the blogosphere.  Here are some of them:

My business coach, Tom Volkar of Delightful Work, had an impromptu little community in which bloggers visited each other and shared their business challenges.

Chuck Westbrook had started a massive community that’s designed to help under-appreciated blogs.

In addition, I’ve been recognized by a couple of fellow bloggers, who chose OBV in their viral blog award threads:

Rebecca of Creating Wealth And Health recognized me with Uber Amazing Blog Award.

And last but not least, Melinda from Melindaville gave me The Arte Y Pico Award.  Now, a few more words about Melinda — her blog has gotten on my must-read list recently, as she is an inspiring example of someone overcoming obstacles and flourishing.

Thank you, everyone, for making me a part of your communities.  Read the rest of this entry »

Note: this is a digest version of a longer essay.  Also, refer to this post for the background information.

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We often talk about growth as not easy.  Here, I’d like to share how that’s been true in my journey.

The challenge of growing is that you have to constantly reinvent yourself.  I’m sure you’ve had experience where you look at a piece of clothing you’re wearing and all the sudden you realize it’s not “you” any more.

So you let it go, and get a different one.

I used to love eating chips.  Well, I still do.  But I no longer eat as much as I used to.  The first few bites help, if I’m on Level -1 or below (bored or frustrated) in pulling me up to Level 0 (contentment).  But that’s as far as it goes.  It doesn’t work to push me from Level +1 or above.  In fact, if I go beyond the first few, it drags me back down, as eating too much never feels good.

I need to discover a new activity, a new “lift-me-up,” if I plan to continue my evolution upward.

Video games, TV, movies, magazines, thinking and talking about guitars — these are all activities I have grown out of.  In its place, I discovered books.  Also, some activities remain — talking to friends about life’s big issues and listening to music.

Growing up is about shedding, and then growing new skin.  Like a Lego house, you tear it down first and put a new house together, a better one with only essential pieces.  Do pay attention to pieces that go and stay.  The latter gives you clues about your essence, your core.

Tearing down is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful.  But I like the me with less fluff — lean and mean, reduced down to my essence.  I am growing and expanding, too, but thus far it’s been more about shedding what I don’t need, what was holding me back.

What are you throwing out today, to make room for a better you?

This is an observation I made on what it means to grow.  If you think growing = getting bigger, then my take on it may surprise you.  To fully appreciate this post, please refer to the post: How to Climb Up the Ladder of Healing and Growth.

In a hurry?  Read the digest version.

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I know that I err on the side of working too hard, being too vigorous.

But to me, healing and growing — moving up the ladder of personal development — is indeed a very vigorous process.

To heal, you have to feel the pain. That’s no a walk in the park. There’s a reason some of us would rather stay stuck in the mire of depression. It’s easier to feel numb than to feel the pain.

To grow, you have to make yourself uncomfortable. Treat fear as a flag being raised saying “come and conquer me!”

As you climb up the ladder, reaching new heights, you’re constantly putting yourself on a new terrain. The old rules don’t work any more. You are reinventing yourself. Read the rest of this entry »